Beautiful Nightmare
by JJJPK
Summary: Lucilla was forced to watch her brother and the love of her life engage in mortal combat on the Colosseum floor and both die within minutes of each other. Now she must cope with her haunting memories which have become a constant nightmare. At least they are a beautiful one.
1. Overture

**A/N So, I recently watched Gladiator and fell in love all over again. It's such an AMAZING STORY (Most regrettably I don't own it. Sob.)! I had the idea for this fic because well I wanted more Maximus and Lucilla but there doesn't seem to be much fanfic for them out there so I just decided to write my own! This can be read as a oneshot but I am going to continue with it. I have the next chapter, all I have to do is get it out of my notebook and onto my Doc Manager but I'm going on vacation in a few days so don't expect it till some time in late July or early August. Anyhoo read this, excuse typeo's and lemmie know what ya think! (A little secret: Reviews will make me post faster!)**

Lucilla felt as if she would surely die from lack of breath. Her brother and the love of her life were going to fight to the death before her eyes and her heart felt ready to burst. All the blood drained rapidly from her face as the platfrom ascended from below the floor of the arena. The soldiers formed a ring around the two opponents. Her eyes darted to, and fixed upon, Maximus. Instantly she could tell something wasn't right. He favored his right side and slightly bent as if in great pain. The roars of the crowd were deafening. Commodous pranced around goading them to an even higher pitch of frenzied excitement. Finally the two locked eyes and began circling. Lucilla's horrified gaze did not leave Maximus even for a second and the buzz of the crowd faded from her ears completely. All she seemed to hear was the clashing of swords and the banging of her own heart so loud she wanted to cover her ears to block it out. But of course she knew that would do her no good. Maximus and Commodous moved through an intricate dance, one gaining one moment the other the next. They were dead even for what seemed and eternity. But then Oh! Maximus seemed to be taking control. Now he decidedly was! In no time at all he had unsworded Commodous. Her brother shouted for a sword from one of the guards. The tension that followed was palpable. No one did, no one would. The rage in Commodous's eyes filled Lucilla with yet greater terror. Then Maximus, refusing a hollow and unjust victory, dropped his weapon. Lucilla wanted to scream as the men met a second time, this time at much closer quarters. As they grappled she felt a kind of disbelief rush in annd break over her like waves. Her brother and her father's favorite general (once Oh so long ago!) throwing blows, on the floor of the Colosseum in front of a crowd of jeering Plebeians? This could not be happening! And when Commodous produced a Stiletto and there was a sickening moment of nothing but Maximus' sheer will for revenge preventing the dreadful blade from cutting his throat, it was as if not she but another beheld the awful scene. She was only vaguely aware of the sickening feeling of her gut wrenching and wishing she could wake up as she watched Maximus's strength finally win out and the blade jam haltingly the emperor's throat. His bloody corpse fell into the dust at Maximus's feet and she felt neither relief nor sadness nor anger nor any other emotion. She felt nothing. This had not really happened. Maximus walked a few steps like a man in a trance, holding his hand out as if reaching for something distant and unattainable. Quintice called to him but he did not reply. Eventually he caught Maxiumus's attention with a softer tone. As badly as she wanted to though, Lucilla could not hear what he said in reply. With unbelieving eyes she watched as Maximus collapsed onto the sand a few seconds later. Breathless, bottomless silence threatened to engulf everything. Finally she was recalled from her unbelieving dream-like state and reality crashed harshly upon her. Her heart burst the same moment it did. All the emotions that had been pent up within her her entire life spilled forth. Her spirit cried to her numb body, "Go to him! There may yet be time!" She ran with the last of her ebbing strength from the Grandstand, through the gate, and across the sand. Sinking to her knees beside his broken body she noted with pain the blood oozing from his side. His eyes were distant and filled with pain and she could tell he was already halfway in Elysium.

"Maximus!" Softly, she attempted to recall his attention one last time. When his eyes locked with hers they gained a look of recognition and then Oh! they told her things he could have never said with words. They spoke forgiveness for the times she had wronged him. They spoke regret for the times he had hurt her. They spoke thanks for the times she had aided him. But most of all and above everything else-Oh dare she presume it?!-They spoke love. Her own eyes betrayed her and overflowed with years of unexpressed love which spilled down her cheeks in liquid form.

"Lucius is safe," He had given her one last gift, for which she would be forever grateful. A pang of guilt struck her consumed her as she realized she was keeping him from Elysium. With everything left in her she choked,

"Go to them." She nodded and she felt her spirit die as his left his body. Oh how she longed to go with him! He went limp and she murmured,

"You're home." The Colosseum crashed to the ground around her, Rome fell, the world burned and still none of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was him and she clung to his lifeless form as if her life depend on him. Indeed she had depended on him. But now he was gone. Finally, with grim resolve, she rose to her feet and faced the assembled crowd. Their shocked faces made her hatred boil to the forefront. "Is Rome worth the life of one good man?' She called vindictively. "We believed it once, make us believe it again!" No one seemed to remember that he had been her father's general, Maximus Decimus Meridius. No one seemed to care. "He was a soldier of Rome! Honor him."


	2. Scene 1

**A/N Hey guys, I'm back! Vacation was awesome :) (just in case you care!) Thanks so much to the small band of you out there who read the last chapter! I feel glad there there is still a group (no matter how small) who is still keeping the Gladiator fandom alive even sixteen years later! Even though I know this fandom is virtually dead (Me: *SOBS* "WHY?!" Voice of Reason: "Maybe just maybe because this movie has been out since before you were born?" Me: "NO EXCUSES, IT'S AN EPIC CLASSIC!") I hope all of you who are looking for new Gladiator fics appreciate this ;) Any way, now you know how I feel about that lol! Please read, review, favorite, whatever you feel like, but mostly, just ENJOY!**

 ****Three weeks later Lucilla sat at dinner with her son, Lucius. He was telling her excitedly about something his tutor had taught him that day. He was becoming quite animated. There was a time when his happy prattle would have transfixed her and caused her heart to overflow with love for her son. Now it was as though she was too cold and dead to love.

"Mother?"

"Yes?" She looked up, startled at being addressed.

"Isn't that fascinating?"

"I am sorry Lucius, I am tired." She sighed and rose, slowly withdrawing to her chamber, leaving her son bewildered. Tiredly, she sank down in at her vanity and stared at her mirror into a pair of hollow, lifeless eyes. How long ago it seemed that those same eyes had stared back at her full of hopes and dreams and even merriment! She thought of Maximus for what must have been the millionth time since his death. He was always present in her mind, but during the day there was only a vague shadowy phantom on the edges of her consciousness. Only during the nights could she retreat into her own heart and spend hours there with her precious memories of him. She fled there now for the same fleeting comfort she always drew. She knew full well that one of these ethereal nighttime walks down the paths of memory would provided temporary solace but in the end they always left her dejected and crushed with such a great desolation in her heart she had not thought it possible. And she would think of his eyes and a tiny accusing voice would hiss in her ear,

"You killed him, you could have stopped your brother."

"How? I tried everything!'

"You didn't try hard enough." And then she would bury her face in her hands and sob because she knew the voice was right.

On that particular night three weeks after his death, she chose one of the sweetest memories she possessed, their first meeting. When she was seventeen her father had taken her to Hispania. He said it was because he wanted to teach her some political tactics and for a change of scene. Of course his intelligent daughter guessed the real reason immediately with ease. It was because she had been getting too friendly with one of the young Patricians at court. She instantly regretted it and begged the emperor not to take her away from the height of the social season in Rome. He flatly refused. It was with these disgusted emotions and wounded sensibilities that Lucilla arrived in Hispania in the summer of 170 A.D. The land was lovelier than any she had yet seen and the villa the emperor was housed in was beyond luxurious but she refused to be consoled.

One afternoon she was lying on her cloud like bed and wondering idly what was happening back in her beloved Rome when her Carthaginian slave girl came in.

"My lady, the emperor is going to a state dinner tonight and he requests your presence at it." Lucilla groaned. She wanted nothing to do with her father or his friends.

"Must I really?"

"Yes my lady, it is he express wish." Lucilla closed her eyes and sighed before slowly rising from her bed. Could her father not let her be miserable in peace? The slave girl bathed her and dressed her in a fine pale yellow silk. Expertly, she twisted her hair up into a golden head band. She lined Lucilla's exquisite storm blue eyes in dark ink and painted her already thick lashes in black charcoal paste. Lucilla wished she would not.

Once she was ready she descended the shallow marble staircase to the atrium where her father and his guards were waiting.

"You look lovely as always dear," Marcus fondly greeted his daughter.

"Father," Lucilla curtsied deeply to the emperor. He took her arm and they climbed into the litter which jolted out into the night to some senator's house, who's name Lucilla was too lazy to take the trouble to learn. When they arrived the scene was exactly as she had dreaded it would be. Low burning candles illuminated the greedy eyes of old men in white robes who clustered round her father like bees to honey. All the different scents of perfumes and ointments mixing with the heavy aroma of sweet wine was noxious. She must stand with her father, smile, nod, and try to look imperial. All the while her head throbbed. Her father kept telling her things like,

"You see him? That's the senator Crispus, he's one of the most powerful men in Rome." These comments too she tried to receive with an intelligent, understanding countenance, but after the first hour that became increasingly difficult to was only slightly roused when her father called more loudly than usual,

"Ah, Maximus! I've been looking for you."

"My lord," Answered a deep masculine voice which sent an inexplicable thrill through her being. Eagerly she looked for the speaker, but for a moment beheld only the top of his bowed head. But when he rose his face was unlike any she had ever seen before. Or was it? It seemed somehow familiar though she was certain she had never met this man before. "I am sorry if I kept you waiting, some new recruits arrived unexpectedly and I was detained getting them housed in the barracks."

"No matter!" Laughed Marcus. "Lieutenant Maximus, this is my daughter Lucilla." For the first time his eyes slid from the emperor to meet hers. But oh! She was only able to hold the unnerving gray eyes for a moment before her soul was filled with such trembling that she was compelled to look away. He bowed and she could feel her face spread into a ridiculous grin.

"My lady, I am honored." His sonorous voice hummed.

"I assure you, the pleasure is all mine." For the first time in her life she actually meant it.

"How go things on the Gallic front?" He addressed the emperor again.

"Tolerably, though I fear the Galls have been bent but not yet broken. I think they have been amassing strength again since your last victory in the fall. We may have need of your sword before the summer is out." Lucilla heard the last part with alarm.

"I feel you are exactly right my lord." Maximus was replying but she was no longer looking at him. Her shrewd eyes had landed on a group of senators approaching her father. If they began a conversation Lieutenant Maximus would leave! Why, she might not see him again the entire evening or worse, ever again! She must act quickly,

"Father, I feel a bit faint in this warm atrium. Could Lieutenant Maximus show me the gardens?" She ventured a shy smile in the direction of the object of her adoration and felt her pulse nearly double when she met his eyes and found them smiling back down upon her.

"Yes of course my dear, do as you wish." Marcus said distractedly for he too had seen the senators and his keen mind was already planning and analyzing the conversation he was about to take part in. Maximus extended his arm, Lucilla gratefully took it and they began the slow process of extricating themselves from the crowded, noisy room. The coolness of the night air outside embraced them like a friend. As they strolled beside a rippling fountain Lucilla could feel Maximus gazing at her and the feeling was at once pleasant and disconcerting. She was suddenly terrified of him. She cared so much for his opinion of her and she was crippled by a shyness that would never normally afflict her.

"How have you been enjoying your time in Hispania thus far my lady?" His voice cut through her misery and filled her with gladness.

"Very much," She smiled as they lie rolled seamlessly off her tongue.

"I'm glad. I am no judge but I have always been partial to our gardens." He gestured to the Eden like scene before them.

"Oh I think you are a very wise judge, I could not agree more myself, Lieutenant. But you refer to the gardens as 'ours,' as though you hailed from here. Are you a native."

"I am."

"It must have been lovely."

"What?"

"To grow up here."

"Oh, yes, it was very lovely. You did not like your city upbringing?"

"No. My favorite times were when we would go to one of my father's estates in Sicily. Some of the beaches were whiter than salt!

And that was were I learned to ride for the first time. "

"Are you very interested in horses my lady?" His voice held a hint of excitement so she quickly decided she would be for his sake. In reality she was completely indifferent!

"Yes!" She smiled brightly.

"Then I will have to show you some of mine some time! Spanish horses are said to be some of the finest in the world.

"So I have heard!" She had not. "I'm quite intrigued." She was not. At least not by the horses. Their owner? Very much so. "Bring two of your finest to my father's villa some time, perhaps tomorrow if you have no pressing engagements, and we'll take them for a run." The smile she beamed him gleamed more brilliantly than the stars.

"I would be delighted." Abruptly, their felicity was interrupted by the voice of one of the Praetorian guard,

"Princess Lucilla, your father bids you. There is someone he wants you to meet." Her heart sank to her toes.

"Excuse me Lieutenant Maximus, I must take leave of you."

"Goodnight my lady," he bowed deeply, "it has been a pleasure." For a moment disappointment seared her heart and she longed for him to say something more personal in the way of a goodbye. But his infectious smile more than sufficed for any unspoken words. His storm gray eyes captured hers and held them fast betraying all the mutual attraction already present on his part. She allowed a radiant smile to fill her features and tell him all she wished to say.

"Princess?" Called the guard.

"Of course," She blushed and tore her eyes from the Lieutenant's. She followed the guard who was hurrying her back into the buzzing room, but not without peering back one last time to see Maximus slipping out a back door.

The rest of the night flew by in a happy daze. How little they had said, just a paltry conversation about horses for a few moments but it had made all the difference in the world! An hour ago she had been a lonely girl with nothing more to excite her than stodgy old senators. Now the world opened before her and delightful prospects presented themselves to her vivid imagination. The room, which she had left feeling sick, she returned to find feeling fresh and airy, the company angelic, and the flickering light served only to remind her of how her own spirit pulsated with joy. She was incapable of saying anything coherent to the emperor on their journey back to the villa and expressed her happiness by simply laughing at completely inappropriate moments. Her father assumed she'd had too much sweet wine. After giving him an especially affectionate goodnight kiss she flew up the stairs to enjoy all the bliss of being young and in love and completely delirious. The slave girl was quite stunned when she entered the room to find her mistress laughing and singing.

"You are in a jovial mood my lady!"

"Yes I am! Do you want to know why?" She held her hand up to silence the girl, "No need to ask I shall tell you!" She laughed giddily. "I'm in love!"

"In love?"

"Yes, with Lieutenant Maximus!"

"From your father's regiment?"

"Yes."

"You know your father will soon choose a husband for you." The very reasonable slave chided gently, reminding Lucilla of the horrible thought crouching ever on the periphery of her thoughts. That the emperor would chose someone for her to marry based on politics. Someone who would strengthen an alliance or come with many legions. Lucilla would have no choice in the matter. She _would_ not, _could_ not think of that tonight.

"Yes," her brow fretted only for a moment, "But why should it not be him?" And really, why should it not? Her father loved Maximus, she had heard him mention his name often. Yes, she felt almost certain she would be able to convince her father of the advantages of the match. Or at least she told herself she was certain. She laughed and let go of all rationality and the ignoble fears that went with it. The slave shook her head. There was no reasoning with a woman in love


	3. Scene 2

**A/N So, I know it's been a long time since I wrote any of this, but because I got a few reviews (you guys are awesome and the main reason I write!) I got another chapter done for you! I have to warn you though, I am typically a very slow writer...snails are outstripping me constantly! And (ironically) with the end of the semester coming up, I'll probably have less time to write (because my family always wants me to spend time with them over breaks) so I probably won't get the next chapter up till some time after break. But I hope you enjoy it, and, as always, let me know what you think!**

Disgustedly, Lucilla slit one eye open as the blinding sun streamed through the curtains around her bed. She had been having a delightful dream but the cursed sun had ruined it and now she could not remember it. She sighed, stretched her arms, and yawned. Now for another dull day in Hispania. Then, with a sudden thrill, she remembered last night and a brilliant smile filled her face. She sprang out of bed and spun about in giddy circles. She proceeded to throw the curtains open and bask in the warm light. When her slave entered she spun about,

"Ah, there you are! I've been waiting forever! Quickly, I must get dressed."

"Yes my Lady." The slave had come prepared, carrying a simple white tunic, that fastened at the shoulder with a bronze broach. Lucilla's face clouded over in dismay,

"Oh no! That will never do. Bring my purple silk."

"Yes my Lady. Although I don't believe your father is having anyone over today." Lucilla smirked coyly,

"I know he's not. But who said _I'm_ not?" The slave's eyes opened with wonder.

"Is it that Lieutenant?"

"It may or may not be," Lucilla chuckled.

"You know I don't like this my Lady. It feels wrong you know, and without even telling your father."

"Be quiet slave! Who are you to tell me what I can or cannot do? I am a Princess of Rome!"

"Mea Culpa," The girl bowed in a posture of humility.

"Oh, stop sniveling and get the dress already." The slave wasted no time. When Lucilla was ready, she idled down to breakfast where she found her father.

"Good morning, Lucilla." Then, noticing her gown, he added, "Are you going somewhere today?"

"Good morning. No, I'm not going anywhere."

"Well, I hope you don't mind, I'm going to be out most of the day, at a meeting with some Senators." Lucilla smiled a little secret smile.

"Oh that's alright, after all, you _are_ the Emperor." She replied, trying to sound as if she minded his absence terribly. Of course nothing was more pleasing to her.

"Very good."

Her father left soon after. She watched from the window in the front room as his litter departed. After that moment, the seconds dragged by like hours. She tried to sit but found herself unable to for more than a few minutes. She paced, but having her back to the window for any length of time was unendurable. She ended up settling for standing at the widow, while drumming her fingers rhythmically against the pane. The sun traveled high into the crystal blue dome of the Hispanian sky and her slave urged her to eat something but still Lucilla refused to leave her post at the window. One, two, then three more hours slid by and a sinking disappointment began to creep in.

"And he said he'd come today," she murmured, nearly in tears. Her head ached and the sun was uncomfortably warm on her face. And of course, that was the moment he decided to appear. Riding up the road on one of the most beautiful black stallions she had ever seen and leading and equally exquisite chestnut mare beside him. Instantly, all imagined transgressions of tardiness were forgotten. She wondered if it was improper to run out and greet him, even as her feet were hastening toward the door. She made a compromise and walked slowly out. However, she could not resist letting a musical laugh ring out and calling,

"You know, I'd nearly given up on you coming!" He grinned and closed the gap between them before swinging easily out of the saddle.

"I'm sorry if I kept you waiting." He bowed gallantly and kissed her hand.

"Don't worry, it's not like I didn't have other occupations." She almost couldn't resist laughing at the absurdity of the lie. "But who is this lovely lady?" She asked, stroking the mare's nose, effectively changing the subject before he could ask her what had kept her so occupied all day. He beamed with pride,

"That is Velox. You will not find a faster mare in the empire."

"I don't doubt it, she's lovely. And what about him? Is he faster?" He smiled,

"Only a little, but we will make sure you can keep up, won't we Immitis?" He addressed the horse and it nickered and stamped its agreement.

"Oh ho! You may know the horses, Lieutenant, but you do not known this rider. I challenge you to a race!" She grinned defiantly.

"I dare not refuse!" He laughed. The sound made something in her chest tie into a tight knot that radiated warmth to everything in her being. And when he took her hand in his to help her into her saddle, it was like his touch was magnetic and her hand had been made to fit into his. She let her small, delicate fingers linger in his calloused hand a moment longer than she should have, reveling in the roughness and strength. He mounted Immitis and asked with mock ceremony, "The challenger must declare the ground rules. Where is the finish line?" She giggled.

"Do you see that willow over there?"

"The one across the wheat field?"

"Yes, by the stream. That's where we'll finish."

"Alright. Three...two..." She sprang forward. "One! You cheated!" He yelled, as he spurred his horse into motion. Lucillia could only giggle more then she was forced to hold her breath, awed at the speed of the animal she was flying with. The golden wheat rushed by like a breeze. It was a few moments before she even thought about Maximus, but when the wheat to her left was mowed down by a great set of thundering hooves she was alerted to his presence.

"Cheating never pays princess!" He smiled wickedly as his horse began pulling ahead of hers. Even the fact that Lucilla was madly in love with him did not dull her desire to beat him, and beat him definitively. So instead of wasting energy on an answer, she leaned forward further and whispered,

"Faster!" In Velox's ear. And if she thought she had been going fast before, now the horse accelerated so her hooves seemed barely to skim the ground. The willow was only one hundred yards away, now fifty, now twenty-five, now she was even with Maximus, now she was passing him...the tree...she had won! He came in a split second behind her. She smiled, breathless but happy, cheeks red and hair an absolute mess. She didn't known it, but he thought she must be the most perfect woman he'd ever seen.

"Well fought," he extended his hand, with just a hint of admiration in his voice. She took it, coloring a bit more with pleasure and beaming.

"Why thank you!" He couldn't resist a barb though,

"Although I won't forget what happened at the beginning." She tried to look offended,

"How impertinent! I can hardly help that I have quick reflexes." He grinned wryly,

"Perhaps too quick."

"I'm hot, let's rest here a while." So he tethered the horses to the tree and they strolled in the shade along the bank of the stream. "So Lieutenant, tell me about yourself, I hardly know anything about you, except that you own the loveliest horses I have ever seen."

"There isn't much to tell. I was born here, as the son the the governor, I've lived here all my life until I joined the army several years ago and I have a farm here..." he trailed off, unsure of what else to say.

"Do you like it in my father's regiment? I think it must be an exciting life."

"Yes it is, and I very much like the campaigns and seeing other parts of the world, but if I've been gone long I begin to miss this place." She took in the scene in all its beauty, the green and silvery-white birch trees swaying the the breeze, the crystal clear stream stumbling and tripping over the red stones, and the strands of wheat tossing their heads like so many tiny golden horses. And the sun, smiling down on it all and wringing earthy fragrance out of everything.

"I can see why," she breathed with reverence. Then, thinking more she asked, "But what's it like before a battle? I've often wondered. Are you frightened?"

"Only a little. The funny thing is, the moment before a battle is always very still. And in that moment the fear and the nerves disappear, and you're thinking of your family, and your home and wondering how you ended up in all this carnage and bloodshed. But then you think of the enemy, and you think of your home and your family being destroyed and you know exactly why you're there. And not you're not there for yourself only, but for your emperor, and country and the glory of Rome. And then you're eager to fight, either to win renown or die in the attempt and your only fear is that you will fall short in some way." His eyes shone and the passion in his voice, when he spoke of Rome, thrilled her to her core.

"Oh what I would give to be there." They walked in silence for a while, both lost in their own world. The sun was Westering when he finally said,

"I must go, but I must thank you for one of the pleasantest afternoons I have spent in weeks." She smiled broadly,

"No, I must thank you! And the horses," she added, chuckling. They mounted and road back to the villa. As he rode off, she stood waving her hand, until he disappeared down the road.


	4. Scene 3

**Ho! ho! ho! Santa came early! Yup. School ( _finally_ ) ended so I had time to get this done. Yes, take a picture folks, because me posting two chapters in one month (gasp!) is rarer than a blue moon. Any way I hope you like it. I felt a little off my game, and like my style wasn't as good as past chapters, but it'll have to do. Merry Christmas and, (if I don't post again before 2017) Happy New Year! **

Lucilla did not see Maximus again for some time, and it drove her nearly mad. Every day she kept her eyes open for opportunities to see him and every day she was disappointed. Her father either did not go out, or went to extraordinarily dull meetings. One day, nearly a week after the horseback riding, she sat, attempting to weave at her loom. However, she was having difficulty concentrating and the wool kept tangling into knots. Knots that looked exactly the way she felt.

"Lucilla dear," her father's voice penetrated her frustrated silence.

"Yes?"

"I'm going over to the barracks today to inspect some of my regiments. I was wondering if you would be interested in coming?" She sighed deeply. One mustn't seem overeager.

"I suppose I shall. There's nothing better to do here."

"Very good, I'll call for the litter."

The entire, jostling trip, Lucilla was filled with nervous energy. What would she say if she saw him? Would he act differently when her father was around? Or perhaps she wouldn't even see him at all! That would be a bitter blow. Resolving to be prepared, she tried to keep a calm demeanor and thought, "He probably won't even be here." But it was difficult to squelch the mounting hope inside of her. Soon enough they reached the barracks and she gratefully exited the stuffy litter. An officer greeted her and her father, and offered to show them around the barracks and training center. Lucilla vaguely heard him saying things like "That's where the men sleep," or "This is where they practice archery," but most of her energy was focused on looking around for any sign of Maximus. When they came to a courtyard there were several groups practicing sword fighting. One man caught, and held, her attention. The way he spun and struck was spell binding. Transfixed, she hardly noticed when her father said,

"Lucilla, are you coming?"

"What?"

"Are you coming to see the stables?"

"Oh, may I stay here? It's so interesting."

"Yes I suppose you wouldn't be in anyone's way." And then he called across the courtyard to the expert swordsman, "Salve (see footer) Maximus!" Maximus bowed and replied,

"Hail Ceaser!" When he didn't acknowledge her, Lucilla's heart sank, but then she noticed he was smiling at her and she smiled back. Carefully, she began crossing the courtyard, dodging pairs of fighting men. When she felt close enough she settled herself on some stairs. There was something magical in the way Maximus fought. It was precise and quick and elegant, like a dance. Relentlessly, he wore down his opponent. And the more she watched the more she wanted to be a part of that dance.

Apparently, Maximus had beaten his opponent because both men had stopped and were shaking hands, smiling and panting. The other man left and Maximus seemed to be preparing to go inside too. Taking her courage in both hands, Lucilla rose and walked calmly over to him.

"Hello Lieutenant."

"Princess Lucilla," he bowed, looking pleased. "Forgive me, I did not see you sitting there." She smiled,

"I've been watching you these five minutes."

"Oh? And what did you think?"

"I thought it was beautiful." He threw his head back laughing. She felt her cheeks begin to burn and indignation rising at this. Was he laughing at _her?_

"Why such scorn?" She asked icily.

"Oh I did not mean to be scornful," he instantly became serious, "I was only thinking, that that is the last word on earth I would think of to describe hand to hand combat."

"How very unimaginative of you. I was just thinking it's almost like a dance."

"Well, yes there is some truth to that. I stand corrected." She couldn't help smiling triumphantly. "Only, when you've seen fighting as I have, when it is not mere practice, and everywhere there is death, and your comrades are falling on every side, and all you can think of is staying alive, then you might not find it quite so enchanting."

"Oh, I see." She felt quite subdued. For a moment there was silence. The grimness of his explanation seemed to have let all the air out of the courtyard. How could she have been so stupid? She was so naive! All she saw was a dashing young man but had she forgotten that he was also a soldier? That he was hardened and scared by the bitter realities of war and politics?

"I am sorry. I did not mean to be dower." He smiled and the sun shone again.

"Oh no don't apologize. It really is fascinating though, how people with different perspectives have different perceptions of things." She laughed nervously, trying to diffuse the situation. Then she added all in a rush, "But will you teach me?"

"Teach you what?"

Her heart beat wildly. What was she doing? "Oh, never mind."

"No, what is it? I don't mind. I am completely at your service, your highness." He smiled and bowed playfully, and so reassuringly that she couldn't resist.

"Would you please teach me to fight?" When she saw he looked slightly confused she quickly added, "Only for fun of course."

"Yes, of course." Then, calling across the courtyard to a boy, "Lexus, quick! Bring me the lightest sword you can find."

"Yes Lieutenant Maximus." The boy scurried off and soon returned with an elegant little sword.

"I used this when I was a boy," he explained, handing it to her. She grasped it clumsily and he smiled and said,

"Here, allow me." Again she felt the same magnetic pulse, as he took her fingers and gently molded them into the proper position around the hilt of the weapon. "Now take a staggered stance, like this," he demonstrated, "good! Now open up your torso,"

"Like this?" She tried to imitate him."

"Not quite. Here," he stepped behind her and guided her waist with his hands. He was sweaty and dirty and hot but she didn't care. All she wanted was for him to hold her like that forever. He seemed to feel it too because he didn't let go when he said, "There. Now you're not so vulnerable to attack."

"I'm not so sure," Breathlessly, she murmured. She could practically _feel_ him smile behind her. However he chose to ignore her pointed comment and moved back to his place in front of her.

"Good. Now you're ready for a an attack." He made a slow, jab at her left side and she lunged to block it. When she was successful she smiled proudly. "Yes good, that's the general idea. The only problem is that your right arm came up. Now you're totally exposed on that side."

"Oh dear, I'd never survive!" she laughed at her clumsiness. He smiled,

"It wasn't really that bad. Now you'll remember for next time. Keep trying."

They skirmished for a while and Lucilla found that Maximus was an excellent teacher. He made her feel as though she were the best fencer in the world, while at the same time correcting all her mistakes. Soon she was breathless, hot, and happy. He was playing easy and had left his right side defenseless. She was laughing and just lunging for the kill, when her father's voice called across the courtyard.

"Lucilla! Maximus! Whatever are you doing?!" She could not tell if he was angry. No matter. She could talk him out of anything.

"Oh Maximus has just been teaching me to fight father. He's really quite a wonderful teacher." They started walking towards him and soon the distance was closed. Maximus bowed,

"Ceaser." Then he added, "I would never have taken the liberty if she had not asked herself." It was the first time Lucilla had ever seen him look flustered. It made him even more irresistible. Marcus was completely unreadable for a second until he smiled benevolently and said,

"Ah yes, sometimes my daughter has the most extraordinary, headstrong ideas, but I see no harm in it. Thank you for humoring her." Maximus bowed and kissed her hand.

"Of course. I wouldn't dream of anything else." She smiled gratefully.

"Well Lucilla dear, we must be going. I have a strict schedule to keep and I cannot keep my counselors waiting."

"Of course father."

As she walked towards the litter Lucilla felt like exploding she was so jubilant.

"Thank you for asking me to come. I enjoyed it so much father."

"Oh yes, of course dear." Replied Marcus, absolutely oblivious. She smiled. "Oh Lucilla, before I forget I must tell you something."

"Yes father?"

"The plans for your marriage have been finalized." Her heart stopped.

 **Gasp! Some actual plot is being introduced! Who knew I was capable of writing anything other than fluff? Lol. Salve is just a Latin greeting. I'm learning Latin and I couldn't resist having a geeky little moment there XD. See ya next time!**


	5. Scene 4

**A/N Who's back?! That's right, _I'm_ back! And I'm kind of digging this chapter. First because I think the introspective style of it came out well, and second, because of some personal stuff going on. I couldn't bear to write the happy end I want to do for my original fiction (because when you're sad, happy endings make you even sadder!) so writing this angsty stuff really fit the bill. Let me know what yalls think. Is it too short, too long, just right? Getting draggy, going too fast, does there need to be more plot and less fluff? Lemmie know and Enjoy!**

"W-whatever do you mean father?" Lucilla finally managed to stammer.

"I mean, that in December, when we return to Rome, you will be wed to Lucius Verus."

"But why?"

"Because he comes from a wealthy, powerful family. The union will greatly strengthen the senate." She felt her face growing warm and angry sobs bubbling up in her throat threatened to burst forth.

"But father I've never even met him! What makes you think I could love him?"

"Now don't start that again, we've been over this before, Lucilla." Something in his tone and voice was like iron. It said, more than the words themselves, that he was not to be provoked. And he was right. They had been over it many times before. The Emperor had told her for years now, that she would marry politically. Marrying for love had _always_ been out of the question. Then why was she so distressed by the news? There was one simple answer: Maximus. How was she going to tell him? Her mind fairly burned with the thought. The rest of the trip home was filled with pregnant silence, and she succumbed, allowing the angry tears to fall down her cheeks unimpeded. When they reached the villa Marcus gave her one disgusted look and muttered, "Compose yourself in time for dinner, we're going out tonight." She shot him a venomous glare and flew up the stairs without saying another word. Flinging herself on her bed to bemoan her life seemed the only option. She lay there for hours, horrible thoughts and images haunting her. What would this Lucius Verus be like? Was he young, old, homely, handsome? This last alternative made her shudder. She could not swallow the idea of him being handsome. There was only one man she could ever consider truly handsome. And that man had been put out of her reach forever in a paltry conversation with her hateful, cunning father. How she loathed the man who was going to sacrifice his own child on the alter of political imperialism. Oh yes, he would have his filthy Roman hierarchy strengthened. At what price? The terrible price of her happiness. Of course her father would never let her marry a soldier. What gain was there in that? As emperor, he had to play every card in his hand to its greatest advantage. She was a card, and Maximus was a card. She would strengthen the dynasty by marriage, and Maximus would strengthen it by military service. It would be a waste to use two cards at once. And she groaned when she remembered the happiness of the afternoon. Had it really been just a few short hours ago, or another lifetime?

Eventually, her slave came in. Lucilla sighed a heavy sigh and wished to all the gods that she did not have to go out that night. What wonderful timing her father had. As the slave was applying her cosmetics, Lucilla felt tears beginning to brim in her eyes again. Oh she was a weak, foolish woman.

"Oh dear, how will I ever keep your makeup on my Lady?"

"Oh Fulvia, it doesn't matter any more, weather or not I'm beautiful." The black paste ran down her cheeks and landed in inky puddles on her lap.

"Your father has chosen your husband for you, hasn't he?" The most Lucilla could manage at the moment was a nod. Fulvia smiled compassionately and give her mistress' hand a squeeze. "I understand. It's alright, you're beautiful just the way you are, my Lady."

"You are t-too kind." Lucilla choked.

There was a knock on the door. It was one of her father's guards, coming to collect her. The journey to the senator's villa was silent and tense. As soon as they arrived Lucilla begged to be allowed to explore the gardens.

"You know, I didn't bring you here to hide and skulk," Marcus said, his voice lined by anger.

"Please father?" He hesitated but something must have told him that he would not beat her tonight. He shrugged his consent and she gratefully slipped out. Hurriedly, she made for a promisingly secluded hedge maze. In the center there was an open space with a shallow pool in it, full of silver and gold fish. Fearing detection and dreading her inevitable return to the crowded house, she paced about there for many minutes. A terror clung to the back of her mind, that if she went back inside, she might have to face _him._ And he was absolutely the last person on earth she wanted to see at the moment. Finally, she ended up falling into a desperate kind of trance, hypnotized by the moonlight reflected off the water and her own dower thoughts running round and round in her head, till it made her dizzy.

"There you are! I thought I might find you here." Startled by the unmistakable masculine voice she jumped but did not turn. She could not look at him or she might fly to pieces that very instant. Her fists balled up the silver fabric of her gown at her sides. "Lucilla?" When he said her name, her own lovely name, divorced from it's awful title, it felt like she had been stabbed in the heart. He approached slowly, till he was standing directly behind her. "Is anything wrong?" Instead of doing the only reasonable thing, she swallowed hard, blinked back the moisture in her eyes, and painted on a smile that only an actress could match. Then the dreadful moment came and she faced him.

"No, nothing's wrong."

"Oh good. For a moment I was afraid you were annoyed and I had done something to anger you." His smile was visibly relieved. She gave a tortured chuckle,

"How could you ever anger me?"

"I don't know, but I thought I may have inadvertently committed some offence in my fervor to make a favorable impression on you, like Orion with the Lady Artemis."

"Really? I did not know there was a love affair between them. How fascinating! You must enlighten me, I don't know this legend."

"You don't? Well, my father used to tell it to me as a boy. 'Maximus,' he would say, 'you must be careful around women, for they are slow to show affection and quick to anger.'" She laughed in spite of herself.

"I must confess he spoke at least partial truth!"

"The legend, goes something like this. Orion was a very skilled hunter. There's his constellation there, do you see it? Every day he hunted to provide meat for the god's table. One day Artemis, goddess of the hunt, asked if she could join him. Happily, he obliged her and took her to the forest with him the next day. When they spotted a deer, Orion carefully fixed and arrow to his bowstring and shot the beast in the heart. Artemis was so delighted by the shot, that she told all the other gods about it, including Zeus himself. Determined to impress her even more, Orion went out early the next morning and killed every animal he saw. He heaped the great pile of carcasses outside her door and knocked. When the goddess opened the door, and saw his offering, she was horrified! For you see, Artemis was also the protector of animals and the forest and punished those who took more than they needed. In her wrath she stamped her foot on the ground, and out of the cloud of dust, a great scorpion appeared. It stung Orion on the heel and he did in dreadful agony. But Zeus was so impressed by his skill, that he allowed Orion's constellation to be placed in the sky. " Lucilla sighed. His voice soothed her to the very marrow of her bones.

"What an enchanting fable. Artemis must have been very beautiful indeed to cause Orion to act so recklessly." Suddenly, he surprised her by catching her waist and spinning her towards him so their faces were mere inches apart.

"Yes, but not nearly as beautiful as you." Even in that half light, she could see his eyes darkened with desire. He took her strong, angular jaw gently in both hands and nearly closed the distance between them. Her own heart was nearly pounding out of her chest but she realized what was happening only just in time.

"Maximus, there's something I must tell you." She stammered, panic stricken.

"It can wait," His voice came out in a throaty growl before his lips crashed into hers and the world exploded. The sheer passion of the moment blinded her to the reality of the situation. If she'd been firmer, she could have prevented it. But by her own weakness, and desire, she had allowed them both to lose their hearts. Their decisions were unanimously and irrecoverably made. From that point forward they were doomed to love each other for the rest of their lives. She explored his face with her hands, enjoying his coarse beard under her fingertips. When they broke panting for air, she realized that there were tears streaming down her face. This was all too much. She had never felt this before, for anyone, and she would rather die than lose him now.

"Now what was it that you wanted to tell me?" She began to tremble.

"Oh Maximus, hold me, it will be easier that way." He was confused, but he did not refuse her. For a long time, she reveled in the feeling his his strong arms wrapped so securely around her and she allowed herself the pleasure of burying her head in his chest and quietly weeping.

"You know, it will be easier if you just tell me." Gently, he tried to prod it out of her. She gulped down a gigantic breath, trying to steady herself.

"I only wanted to say, that I love you."

"Well, is that such a terrible thing? Because I, for my part, adore you."

"No," she laughed unsteadily, "it's not terrible at all." But all the while her heart was screaming at her "You cowardly liar!" He kissed her again. A cloud scuttled across the moon and thunder rumbled in the distance. A storm was brewing.

 **Oh, one more thing for the future. I'm planning on (maybe, subject to change) writing a scene in Germania. You know, the one set near the very beginning of the movie. Would you guys like to see me do that with the same lines from the movie, or change things up a bit? I know I kept the first chapter of the story pretty true to the movie, so I do kind of hesitate to take too many liberties. Just let me know what you guys want and I'll figure something out! See ya next time!**


	6. Scene 5

**Okay folks, we have the lovely AngiieHerondale entirely to thank for commenting, and making me get my lazy butt in gear and write this chapter! It was a very fun one. I don't know if I captured all the emotion I wanted to, but hopefully you get at least a little bit of a sense of what I was going for. Writing for me can be a very frustrating experience because it's like this awesome picture I have in my head but I don't have the right paint and brushes or enough skills to paint it on a canvas. Often my best work is thoroughly vetted and I've revised it and gone over it a few times. Good writing is like fine wine, it takes time for it to mature! But anyway, I hope you guys like this. Sorry for tyepos. Wrote this late at night when my brain was already pretty spent from studying and Basketball watching XD! See you around the writer's block (See what I did there?! XP)!**

The summer days began fading into fall. The thin hard grains of wheat, nurtured by the heat and rain and rich black earth swelled and morphed from pale yellow to lustrous gold. Each evening, the sun dropped from the clear mirror of the sky and hid itself behind the rim of the black earth a bit sooner than the night before. The stars burned a bit brighter, the moon glowed a bit colder, foreshadowing the mysterious nights of winter. The earth poured forth her abundance and all creation seemed to ring out it's praise to the gods.

These should have been lovely times for Lucilla, however, they were not. As the earth poured out her beauties, Lucilla felt something in her heart constricting, like the moment at night, in winter, when water becomes ice. A shadow was looming over her and she could do nothing to stop it, at least for herself. She _could_ however end the agony for someone who she cared for very much, only she was too afraid, too selfish, too cowardly. She saw much of Maximus in those days, he invited her to his farm nearly every afternoon he was not training with his regiment. She hardly even tried to hide her visits from her father any more. Marcus was busy and also oblivious of the romance between his daughter and Lieutenant. Such an idea was indeed inconceivable to his calculating mind. The thought of anything so human as romance rarely penetrated those dark corridors where his daughter or Lieutenant were concerned.

So it came to pass, that one sun kissed afternoon in September, Lucilla and Maximus were sitting upon a hill, in the midst of swaying, heavy laden lemon trees, watching Maximus' servants gathering the wheat. Lucilla was sitting with her back propped against a tree and Maximus had stretched the length of his body next to her and laid his head in her lap. She liked the expression on his face, the way his long, dark eyelashes curled against his cheek and the sunlight and shadows took turns etching delicate lines across the contours of his jaw. She like the feeling of his soft hair as she brushed it back from his forehead. But she must be one cursed by the gods. For there was no peace or bliss for her even here, in paradise. The looming cloud of her faceless husband seemed to crush out the image of the man lightly dozing in her lap, even as he lay there, so tangible, yet utterly unattainable. His eyes fluttered open, and he smiled sleepily.

"Lucilla Love, do you like it here?" He asked, languidly.

"More than I can describe." She replied, unable to keep a note of sorrow out of her voice.

"You would not mind being away from Rome?"

"I should like to stay here always. But you know that my father and I are leaving here at the end of November."

"Yes, that is most regrettable, but Lucilla, I must ask you something." And he sat up, beginning to look as though he had something very serious indeed that he wanted to say. Lucilla could feel beads of sweat forming on her brow and back. Her hands were starting to tremble. She could not do this, not here, not now, not in paradise. The thunder which had peeled on that night in June, and had promised a howling raging storm, reechoed through her very soul. She did not want to see the sheets of black rain mar this perfection.

"Can it wait?" She tried feebly.

"No it can't!" He laughed, pulling her to her feet beside him. "But first let's get away from here and go somewhere we can really be alone." For though no one was really observing them, there were many field hands and servants about.

"But were are we going?" She protested. He had her by the hand and was running up the hill at a painful speed. When they reached the top she stopped dead in her tracks and nearly forget everything but what she saw. "Oh the _sea!_ " She breathed in the tangy air and let out a panting breath. She had forgotten this wild, living thing called the sea, and the way it made her feel so small, like one of the grains of the sand on the beach. Like nothing really mattered at all, except being there. "I haven't been to the sea since I was a little girl!"

"Shall we go down?"

" _Shall_ we? Shall we race?!" She laughed and took off sprinting. He thought it outrageously funny, and laughed at her,

"Still a cheater I see! But you'll never outstrip me on foot!" And he was right. He reached the waves a full minute before she did and stood laughing at her as she clutched at her side and slowly limped into the shallow breakers, after carefully removing her expensive sandals.

"No...fair...!" She panted, splashing him in the face with water.

"What?!" He gaped at her boldness and she smiled but still could not find enough breath to laugh. "How dare you splash Lieutenant Maximus Decimus Meridius, of the Imperial Roman Army in the face?" She stuck her tongue out at this pompous speech.

"And how dare _you_ leave Princess Lucilla, Daughter of Emperor Marcus Aurelius, alone and unattended in a place she does not know?" Then he splashed her and she screamed. She lost her balance, reeling backward as a larch breaker came in, and would have fallen completely, had he not stretched out his arms just in time and wrapped her into his embrace. The churning foam rushed about their legs and flecked their lips and hair. Her white dress was quickly becoming rags.

"Lucilla, say you'll marry me." And before she could say _anything_ at all his lips had captured hers again in that ever maddening embrace . He had managed to surprise her with a question she had been both expecting and fearing for months. She could not reply to this, could not tell him she had been deceiving him and selfishly devouring his heart for months, not even attempting to spare him any pain. So she deepened this kiss instead. She forgot time and space and everything but his lips. She dueled for domination, almost becoming angry in her passion. When the need for air finally overcame her, she broke fiercely and turned away from him. "Was that a yes?"

"I do not know. I would rather not talk about it this instant if you don't mind."

"Lucilla look at me." He took her face between his hands, forcing her to meet his honest eyes. It was like being stabbed. "Do you love me?" She shook her head in despair, battling the weak tears that _would_ fill her eyes.

"I love you more than life itself." And then he beamed, completely transfixed.

"Lucilla my one, dear, love. Then why will you not be my wife?"

"I... _I_ would, but you must ask my father first."

"Yes of course. I'll go ask him right now!" And he was already running back in to the shore.

"NO!" He wheeled around, surprised by her adamance.

"Why ever not?"

"My father is stubborn. He-he may not like this plan!"

"Come, your father loves and respects me, and surely he will see the advantages of the match. Just let me ask him." All she could do was nod her head. He grinned and ran off. She hated herself more every second. She should be the one to tell him of her engagement. The waves crashed on her, one after another, each one saying "Coward" in its hissing, whispering voice, she thought it would drive her mad, and then she fled from the sea, to the shore. The sand clung to her skirt and feet. Her heart slammed into the walls of her chest and she found it hard to breath. Heavy weights were crushing her soul. She paced back and forth, images of what her father and Maximus might be saying flashed through her head. Oh this was unendurable agony! Why hadn't she told him! An hour passed. Her tongue stuck to her throat. Her eyes felt dry and ached from the stinging salt. Where was he? Perhaps her father had been persuaded? No no no no. It was impossible.

When at last she saw Maximus on the crest of the hill she ran toward him, unable to take the suspense any more. His face was like death.

"Lucilla, how _could_ you?"

"Maximus, I..."

"You're _engaged?_ You've been engaged since _JUNE!?"_

 _"_ It was my father, Maximus what could I do?"

"At least have the decency to _tell_ me? And to think, all the times I kissed you and told you I loved you and you said it back! How could you say it? It makes me want to choke myself just thinking of it you little viper! And now I've made a complete fool of myself in front of your father!"

"Oh, is that all you care about now? For all your fine words about loving and devoting your life to me is it really only your career that you care about after all? Are you just like my father? Devoted the to his beloved Roma above everything else? I should have known you were self serving and bloodthirsty and lusting for glory from the very beginning! I suppose I was the next step in your climb of the Imperial ladder?"

"Don't insult me with lies!"

"Lies, who's talking about lying? It's you who lied when you told me you loved me. I can't help it I was forced into an engagement against my will."

"That, Princess, is your affair."

"But I only found out in June, Maximus!"

"Oh really? Your father made it painfully clear to me that this marriage has been in the works since _before you were born._ And you claim to have had absolutely _no idea?_ You hardly deserve to be called a princess of Rome you've behaved so shamelessly! Pray tell me, how can there be love between two people where there is no trust? You are not the woman I fell in love with."

"You Horrid, awful man, how can you be so fickle? Look in my eyes not and tell me you don't love me! SAY IT!" She was sobbing violently, her liquid heart pouring out of her eyes. "There, you see, you CAN'T! If I wasn't the woman you fell in love with you'ed be able to!" He spoke, measuring his words, carefully, barely keeping control of the storm that was his emotions.

"You just look like her." She shook her head, shuddering with sobs.

"I hope you die, cold and unloved fighting your cruel wars for my cruel father and I never see you _ever_ again!" And she let fly all the force she had through the back of her hand connecting solidly with his cheek. The same cheek not two hours ago she had stroked and kissed. His head whipped to the side but he did not even stagger under her week blow. "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!" He bowed stiffly,

"Your Majesty, I think you need not fear our meeting again, this side of Elysium." His words were like having her soul ripped from her body. She collapsed on the ground, too miserable to conquer her pride an apologize or beg him to stay. He walked away from her, very slowly. He walked out of her life.


	7. Curtain

**I just finished my last Final of high school and sat down to write this because you poor people have been sorely neglected...**

A brisk, cool breeze whispered through the room. Lucilla sat bolt upright with a start and realized she must have left the doors to the terrace open. She sighed dully, and stood to close them. Yes, she had thought that in that summer of 170 that Maximus had walked out of her life forever, that she would never see him again. But she had seen him again, seen him in a dripping forest, seen him in prison, seen him on that awful, blood spattered sand. These were all the memories which were too fresh, too painful to revisit. She reached the door to the terrace, but instead of closing it, she walked out instead. It was a cold, clear, keen, piercing moment. The night was leaning into morning, the stars were surrendering to the pale gray streak in the East. Rome lay sprawled beneath her like a city of the gods, the grime and the filth that showed plainly in daylight, masked under a thin mist, the last shreds of the mantle of night. Ah Rome. Who was she without Rome? Who would she be divorced from that crushing, strangling hand that had held her in its deathly grip all her life? She reflected on her relationship with that city, which was her mother. In the beginning, she had known nothing. She had accepted the mother who nurtured her and fed her and made her its imperial daughter. She had learned to live in, and enjoy her wealth and status. She had been upset at the thought of leaving. But then, she had found Hispania. She had found someone who made her small, Roman, world disintegrate with one glance. Then she loathed Rome for taking him from her, but after the first sting, she had turned back. In her bitterness and anger towards him, she had realized, that though he may desert her, Rome never would. So she devoted herself to it. To the empire, to politics, to serving her father and furthering his cause. She had married Verus, she had born him a son. And somewhere along the line she had learned from her mother how to be cruel and cold and to have a crushing suffocating gravity of her own. She had believed in Rome. She had believed, not only that it was worth the life of one good man, but the life of every man, woman, and child on the face of the planet. But here, looking now, at the mystical city below her, she realized it was only a mirage. The greatness of Rome was only a shadowy thing, that faded and disintegrated with the first rays of the sun's brilliance. The doubts that had been forming on the floor of the arena near the body of her love now fully realized themselves. She must leave Rome. There was nothing left here for her. Nothing except ghosts and memories. Bitter tears ran down her face as she realized her grievous mistake. She should have married Maximus and run off with him. Why had she not? Because she cared too much about Rome. Because of her duty. Duty. What a cold crushing word. Now they would say it was her duty to raise her son as an heir to the throne. People expected it. They expected the democracy to fail. Perhaps it would. What did it matter? Duty? Had she not already fulfilled hers? Had she not given Rome a father, a brother and her love? How could she be expected to also give it her son? The gray strip in the East was turning peach. And suddenly, the tears turned from bitter, to relived. She was sorrowful, but there was a way to escape this Hades. She and Lucius would leave. She did not know where, or what she would find there, but she must start somewhere new. She was under no illusions that she herself would ever be able to be renewed, that was indeed too much to ask. But she could give Lucius a future. Had those not been his last words to her? Her son was safe. She would go and seek the peace that she and him so desperately needed. Then the fear and bitterness would be gone, and she could find rest in fading and becoming part of the haunting, beautiful, nightmare of memory. She breathed in one last deep breath of the clear morning air, then reentered the room. She hit the small gong on the wall to summon a servant.

"Livia, order the carriage and pack only what is necessary for me and my son. We will leave Rome in two hours."

Finis.

 **AHHHH I am a very mean author. I guess I have some explaining to do to you guys! So yeah, this is the last chapter (and a short one too, sorry!). Originally (approximately a year ago when this little yarn began weaving itself) I had planned on making this longer. Maybe tying in a bunch more Commodus stuff (Let's be honest, who doesn't love Joaquin Phoenix?) but I got going on the Maximus/Lucilla backstory stuff and it was great fun. Then, I reached this point, where I'd told pretty much all I had for that, and I was going to have to start a new part (or Act. Did you notice the chapter names changed?). But, some major life changes are coming down the line very fast for yours truly. I may or may not be in a place where I have no internet access practically indefinitely. My writing is slower than a snail, so I didn't want to start this whole new plot and be one of those jerks who doesn't finish their story. So I've finished it. Sorry if you feel it's a cliffhanger, but this is the first multi chapter fic I've ever finished and I feel so accomplished! Thank you all for all the support. I love you (readers and reviewers) so very much. You are the reason this fic got finished. If someone wants to write a sequel, more power to them. Also, don't expect any more fics from me in the near future (maybe ever in fact!) because of said life changes. If you happen to want to read more of my work, just shoot me an email at** **and it will make my day. I squeal and scream and wave my hands around for a while before delightedly sending you my novella (it's almost finished, I promise!) and impatiently waiting for you to tell me what you think. I could go on, I really could, but I guess I should wrap this up.**

 **Thank you so much loves!**

 **JJJPK**


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